Let Go of Aspirational Identities

This is part of Stewie's Guide to Ruthlessly Declutter Your Clothes Today.

Let me share a quick story.

In ninth grade, I enrolled in first-year Spanish. I imagined myself effortlessly conversing with my neighbors and chatting fluently with native speakers across Latin America. Excited by this vision, I went to a bookstore, browsed the foreign language section, and carefully selected a stack of study guides, grammar books, and phrasebooks. (Serious language learners always buy books, right?)

I thought I was well on my way to fluency.

But I wasn’t.

After two years of Spanish, I signed up for Japanese. And the cycle repeated. I bought a grammar book and a kanji guide from Barnes & Noble. I imagined myself speaking fluently and even learning to like fish.

But I didn’t.

History has a way of repeating itself. In college, I acquired French and Italian books.

Why did I keep buying language books when I lacked the time, discipline, or energy to study them? Because I had created an aspirational identity—a version of myself who was a multilingual globetrotter, effortlessly switching between languages and teaching others how to do the same. (Sounds pretty cool, right?)

Naturally, this pile of books followed me (and my aspirational identity) as we moved from the dorms to various apartments and eventually into my first house.

It took years to let go of that dream. But when I finally did, I let go of the books, too.

And that’s when something unexpected happened.

At first, I felt sadness—a quiet grief for the future-self that wasn’t going to speak a dozen languages or live in a dozen countries.

But I also felt relief. Each book had been a silent reminder of what I hadn’t accomplished. They whispered of obligations I hadn’t fulfilled. And that made me feel bad.

Letting go of the books meant letting go of the guilt.

Once I donated them, I gave myself permission to embrace a new future—one that wasn’t weighed down by old expectations. A clean slate without obligations from the past. And that felt good.

The Same Principle Applies to Clothes

We all have clothing that no longer serves us, yet we hold onto it. Sometimes we keep clothes that don’t fit—physically, emotionally, or in terms of our current lifestyle. But instead of making us feel good, they weigh us down with negative feelings.

Here are some examples:

There’s no virtue in keeping clothes that you never wear and that make you feel bad. Let them go.

Some might object: But what if I lose weight? What if I need those clothes again someday?

To that, I offer two thoughts.

First, your closet should serve your present self, not your hypothetical future self. Keep only what fits, flatters, and is ready to wear today. If something doesn’t meet those criteria, it’s time to say goodbye.

Second, if you absolutely must keep something “just in case,” pack it away. Store it in a bin in the garage, basement, or another out-of-sight location. But don’t let it sit in your closet, reminding you daily of what you’re not wearing.

The Freedom of Letting Go

Letting go of clutter—whether books, clothes, or old dreams—isn’t about loss. It’s about liberation.

When you free yourself from unwanted obligations, you create space for the person you are today—not the person you once were, and not the person you feel pressured to become.

So take a deep breath. Open your closet. And start clearing the way for who you are now.

Because that version of you? They deserve a wardrobe (and a life) that fits.

Next steps…